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11 May 2010 @ 06:15 pm
changes: everything to nothing.  
Minutes turn into days, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. As time progresses, so do I. People comment on the changes they feel within themselves and I have done so myself. I have made claims announcing that I feel like a different person, that I am a different person, but I don't know whether much of that was really, really true. I guess it was true at the time, in that sense, because people are constantly evolving. But what I am trying to say is that, I feel very, completely, utterly different nowadays. I am the same person as I was a few months ago but at the same time, I am very different. Perhaps not to everyone, perhaps not to most, but to myself I am and that is completely fine because I know that I am not really me in all entirety to everyone else, only some. So I think if you saw me today, if you held a conversation with me today, after all this time, you would see that I am different yet the same, because it really was just you that got to see me and all my sides. 

Speaking of changes and differences, it seems to be that there were a number of things about you that I never got to know because you never allowed me to know. It seems like you had the ability to write, to get tangled in words, to use them efficiently and beautifully to you benefit, to tell a tale, to entertain, to humour, and to do so much, but you never acknowledged it. I hope that it wasn't something you were not telling me for the purpose of hiding that attribute, but something you just did not acknowledge yourself. Despite the downfall, I believe we would have had the dearest of friendships, had you allowed me to really know you instead of constructing situations that hurt me right at the core of my heart. You constantly tried, with intent, to break us down and though I understand your reasons, or at least some of your reasons, I wish you knew what I always knew - that I'd have considered you my best friend always despite who you were or weren't. I do miss that figure in my life. The figure that I shared everything witty and quirky with. The figure I told about heart-warming and profound things. The figure I shared my sadness with, the figure I shared my achievements with, the figure I shared dreams and aspirations with, the figure I shared my pain with, the figure I shared my everything with. I know that I was that figure for you too. And for that reason, I know that you are the only person who would be able to tell changes that I have undertaken.