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15 May 2010 @ 08:54 pm
Two eyelashes but only one wish.  
Mismatched thoughts are dangling over my consciousness. In a state of calm, juxtaposed by frenzy, my mind knows not what it desires. Isn't desire the responsibility of the heart? Refusal to acknowledge my heart, refusal to accept that my heart may play a role in this, the heart - my heart, is simply ignored. Connections, links, reminders, memories all intertwine with each other and become incomprehensible, impossible to separate, to grasp individually. The semantic value in everything becomes a semantic burden. The notion of meaning - who initiated it? Our whole lives revolve around the new and the old. Tossing out the old, embracing the new. The difficulties with throwing out the old, the meaning of the old, the place the old holds in our heart, the memories with the old, they linger around and diffuse into the new. The old makes a way into the new in the form of reminders and connections. The new, in its state of calm, becomes aligned with frenzy, elements of the old. And that is when I put my pen down and question - what is it that this mind desires, the old, the new? And the clever mind knows and the clever mind informs - it is nothing to do with that the mind desires. The fog shifts, there is a clear ray of light on the answer and it could be presented in a manner more evident - look in the heart. Easier said than done, as per usual. Will I peek in my heart, will I allow it to open up and put forward its opinion? Most likely no. My heart is messy and irrational. Those are the qualities we are supposed to embrace about our hearts, the wild side. I simply cannot. The liberation of my heart scares me. For now, the heart will not be not be consulted and the mind does not have an answer. It seems that these mismatched thoughts will remain.