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23 May 2010 @ 12:43 pm
Your betrayal left a scar. Your betrayal left a scar of anger and hatred. That anger and hatred, I like to think, came from your betrayal but it didn't. It came from the fact that I loved you. It came from the fact that I allowed myself to care so deeply for you. It came from the fact that I took care of you when you were at rock bottom. It came from the fact that I looked to share all my good news with you before anyone else. But that scar is starting to heal. The anger and hatred is subsiding. Acceptance is kicking in. Acceptance of the fact that shit does happen, people do let you down. People who meant the world to you, people who were you everything, people you considered your everyone - they will let you down. Not in the small form like they forgot to pick up food for you when you asked them to. No, they will let you down completely and utterly. They will break your heart, they will leave, they will not look back and so forth. And it will scar you, it will leave you bitter, it will leave you betrayed, it will make you think that you are going to end up being those "tough" personalities that you see on TV. Those people who don't let anyone in, those people who protect themselves like crazy because they have been hurt by someone they trusted and now they have this huge shield up. But what I am starting to realise is that, the scar will fade. Soon when you think about the hurt they caused you, it will not hurt as much because you will start forgetting the pain, the memories of the hurt won't be as clear. You will start realising the good in people again, you will start seeing that people on the whole are worth trying for because you are not the only person in the world to have been hurt on a large scale. You will hear stories about people going through the same thing as you and it will, in its own way, give you some comfort - to know that you are not alone. To know that this is a normal human phenomena. And maybe you will be a little careful before giving yourself away the way you did first time round, maybe you will be more careful in sharing secrets, in sharing songs, in sharing good times, but I'm sure that it will all be okay in the end. I believe that it will be.